Mentally, physically, emotionally.
It's PMS, because it's the week before my period, and it always happens the week before my period.
Thing is, I'm not supposed to have PMSes because I'm on the pill
O.o
I've been so frickin emo lately.
Futsal is fucking frustrating the beejezus outta me.
In addition to my non-existent reflex and coordination, I sometimes do not even have any idea what I am doing on the court.
I feel like how I used to feel back in karate days, when during matches I would get whacked and scored against before I even knew what was happening.
And I feel like I'm letting my team-mates down.
I took up soccer because I wanted to learn something new.
I hadn't thought I'd be selected for MASCA but I was.
More and more, I'm finding I can't cope.
I do not have the foundation.
What I need is hours and hours of drills- long passes, short passes, and lots and lots of shooting
But MASCA is only days away, HOW?
Monday is going to be our last training session already. LAST!!
And the nail. GOD, THE FUCKING TOENAIL.
Everyone thinks I should just yank it out.
I think I should too.
I just... don't have the balls to.
And as long as I have the damned toenail on my mind, I can't kick.
And what's a striker who can't kick the ball?
I was so conscious of the stupid toe the whole training that I buang many opportunities to score, choosing instead to pass the ball rather than take a shot.
Eddie tells me I am being too hard on myself.
I know I am, but what can I do about it?
That's me.
I was so upset I burst into tears at the train station.
The darling was willing to head back home and give the big game a miss if I was feeling too miserable to go ahead to watch it.
I didn't have tissues with me, because I didn't bring a bag with me, and I was conscious of my mascara streaking down my face because it wasn't waterproof.
Still I couldn't stop crying.
It was horribly embarrassing, and I was embarrassing my poor boyfriend.
I insisted we go anyway so we went.
What's the use of staying home moping, right?
I felt rude not socialising with Eddie's colleagues (choosing to hide my swollen eyes under my cap and hoodie instead), but I just couldn't.
I was a bleeping wet chicken throughout the whole night.
Feeling much better now though.
The game did take my mind off things a bit.
Sigh. WTF is wrong with me?
